I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
