dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im holly from the hills drunk
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
