He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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