Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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