I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
