Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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