i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
