I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
