if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
