I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
