Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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