Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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