Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
