we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
