i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
