Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
