I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
