She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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