the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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