Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
