Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So much Jack, so little girl.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
