we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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