well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My liver is preforming stress tests.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
