I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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