Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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