I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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