She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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