is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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