Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
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hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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