i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
