I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
