Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
