your room smells of hookers.
And success
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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