seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
