i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
