dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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