wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
