I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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