Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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