This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
