Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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