k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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