please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
