Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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