I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
