i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
