Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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