Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
