New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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