I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
