Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I CAN MOONWALK!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
