A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
