when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
