just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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