90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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