trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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