I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
