u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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