Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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