please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
