So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
