3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize