there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
