1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He did a backflip because drugs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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