I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
