dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
