Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
