Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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