fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
