Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
