How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
