She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
