so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
its liver damage thursday
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