my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize