I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Help me help you realize you are a moron
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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