We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
