hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well you can't waste a boner
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
