i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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