Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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