Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
