Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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