My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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